I'm still here...

Believe it or not, I haven't quit! That being said, I still haven't made it very far.  Once I started working, my training took a sad turn from 2-3 times a week to 1-2 times a month! I was trying to figure out how to still run a household with 30+ less hours in a week.  I'm still trying to figure it out, but I am FINALLY making time for my runs.  I'm still not running very far, but that's ok.  I'm out there doing what I can.  I still think my biggest obstacle will be the negative voices in my head telling me that "I can't do this, I'm not a runner, what was I thinking, I won't make it to the finish line, I'm going to fail, everyone will pass me, I will get swept by the bus, I can't, I can't, I can't!"
It is really hard to push them out.  I asked a friend of mine to run with me to see if that helped.  It actually did! We talked during our 3 mile run which was nice- no room for that negativity! The farthest I've "run" (gone) is 3.2 miles & the farthest I've RUN without walking is just a little over 1 mile (at one time). I was so proud of that 1 mile! I was determined to do it.  Again- little victories.
Speaking of victories...

I "ran" 5 miles tonight!!!

 

I was on the treadmill (it's cold & I don't like running by myself at night) but it was good.  I had headphones in, but I was telling myself I can do it!!! I have to literally talk the negative voices away!  I was so proud of that 5.00 on the treadmill I wanted to cry! Yes, I do realize in 4 weeks (it may actually be closer to 3 now...) I will have to run almost 3x that, but that is OK!!!  I will be able to do it! Will I be anywhere close to the front? NO! Is that ok? YES!!!  I just want to cross that finish line to prove to myself, my parents and my family that I could DO IT!!! My body is strong and healthy enough to do it.  I might sleep forever afterwards, but that's ok too!
Ok, back to tonight's run: I ran the 1st mile since I knew I could, and pushed myself to go a little over. :)  After walking at a fairly quick pace, I tried to run again.  I did intervals the remainder of the time.  I wanted to run the last quarter mile, but I didn't make it, so I slowed down and decided to walk the last 10th of the final mile.  I did it! I could feel another serious blister on my right foot, but once I saw that 5.0 mile mark, there was no pain.  I am hoping for the same feeling at the end of the race...
Oh! I almost forgot about my stats: so, 5.07 miles, 1:9:24, Average min/mile: 14:06! They say to aim for a 15 minute!!! YAY!!! Now, I may not be able to walk tomorrow, but tonight I RAN and I felt GREAT!!!!!!!